RECLAIMING MY SPIRITUALITY.

Hi friend,

Ever since I can remember, I have always been a spiritual being.

I’d talk to the plants, the soil, the rocks in the garden of my childhood home when I was a little kid. I’d create my own rituals, bathe myself in mud, and make art with the flowers and leaves I had around me. My parents would say I had a big imagination, that I was an artist. Sure, that has truth to it.

However, what they didn’t see is that I was actually being in relationship with nature. Not because of my imagination but because I could commune with nature so deeply. I could feel their thoughts, their feelings, their words.

And they could feel mine.

As I grew older, my spirituality was now seen as an inconvenience. I never wanted to play on the playground with the other kids, I wanted to climb trees. I wanted to explore. I’d wander off and get in trouble for my curious mind. Instead, I was told to memorize the bible, demanded to go to church, and to stop questioning catholicism or else.

I let go of my spirituality, because my spirituality was seen as a sin. My ancestors went through this same exact story. I began to fear my connection with nature and even the after life. 

My connections became stronger the older I got. I began to feel the thoughts and feelings of souls in spaces. I told my Mom this, and her reaction was fear. She said to me an evil spirit was trying to posses me and that I need to pray more. I came home to find that she blessed my room with holy water so the evil spirits would leave me alone. I internalized this with deep shame. I suffered a lot from this.

Over time I did meet the right people. People who understood spirituality, communed with nature, and encouraged my clairvoyance. I was no longer a sinner or a freak, but someone who had a gift.

More and more people loved this about me. And it wasn’t just me. Spirituality became a humongous part of the wellness industry. A culture shift was happening. Everyone wanted to be “spiritual”, find their “tribe”, and would buy sage, palo santo, and crystals without taking responsibility in learning where these sacred rituals and practices come from. Spirituality began to be exploited and appropriated. 

I experienced this first hand with a company I used to work at. They began to use my spirituality as a way to lure in more customers.

“Stella is the woo woo one,” they’d say. My ancestors cringed, as did I. “Stella is the financial healer. Stella show them your crystals!”

I rapidly became one of the top performing employees with the most amount of clients. People would ask for me, specifically, because I had a spiritual and emotional approach to money.

This became incredibly burdensome. I was finally “celebrated” for this and yet, it felt….off. Why did it feel like my spiritual rituals, beliefs, and practices were not respected? Why did it feel like I was put on display for entertainment at a circus?

I since left that company, but sadly did not realize until I was at a cafe in Medellín, journaling about my existential crisis behind my life’s mission and purpose.

When I left that company, I put my spirituality to the side. I became very hyper vigilant about who I let into my world, in fear that someone or something would exploit it for their benefit and profit.

But since starting My Gold Standard, my spirituality yearned for me to embrace it. To embody it. To put it front and center of my work, of my life.

For the last several months I have been traveling in Latin America, and through my travels I have grieved, deconditioned, and decolonized more than I ever have in my lifetime.

I grieved the years I abandoned my spirit. I grieved the moments my spirit wanted to lead, yet instead I put it in a box. I grieved the colonization of my ancestors spirit, and mine.

I deconditioned from the westernization and appropriation of spirituality. I deconditioned from people pleasing, and allowing people to take my spirituality and use it for their own benefit. I deconditioned from the experiences of feeling like a commodity instead of a human being.

I decolonized my mind, my body, my heart, and my spirit…collectively. Because I know that there is not one without the other. I communed with my ancestors, embraced my spiritual rituals again, and opened up my soul to be with one with nature again.

My spirit is my guide. My spirit is my purpose. My spirit leads me to the most beautiful, abundant, and thriving places.

I know I am on a life long journey of grieving, deconditioning, and decolonizing.

And, I know that it isn't just me who is on this journey. It's all of us.

We all have spirit inside of us.

Stay Shiny,